It’s fun to chant “Bloody Mary” into your car’s side mirror three times and watch her jog and try to keep up.
Being a dick even to demons
talents include looking 12 and saying thank you to the bus driver
i saw a white boy playing an acoustic guitar on his porch so i yelled at him “play wonderwall” and he said he never heard of that song god what’s the fucking point of white boys if u can’t even make fun of them
This is hilarious in the darkest way because this tree is holding the dead corpse of one of the other trees
okay so i was just in the park and i saw a cloud that looked like a penis so i watched it for a while and it seemed to get wider and then a plane flew by and left a white trail so long story short i just watched a cloud ejaculate in slow motion
If corals get stressed they die, so if I was coral I would be dead
what do coral even get stressed about
guys, i work at an aquarium and my coworkers and i have literally laughed at this for three days straight. everytime we pass each other we whisper “current events” and crack up. our customers think we are nuts.
i’m sorry but i’m not ashamed to like shitty pop music
how the fuck am i supposed to dance around my room to bon iver
Suddenly you’re 21 and you’re screaming along in your car to all the songs you used to listen to when you were sad in middle school and everything is different but everything is good
IF YOU ONLY STARTED FUCKING LIKING FALL OUT BOY AFTER SAVE ROCK AND ROLL CAME OUT THEN thats really cool dude I’m really glad you love this band I love, you wanna borrow any of my albums or anything let me know.
My dream for The Avengers: Age of Ultron is that it starts out with each of the Avengers getting a call early in the morning that they need to come in, and when they get to Clint, they’re like, “We still don’t have Romanoff’s new location, so if you have a way of contacting her, pass the message to her as well.” Clint replies, “I’ll see if I can track her down,” and hangs up the phone. Then he rolls over in bed and is like, “Hey Nat, get up, they need us.”